Why I'm not allowed at parties anymore.

How did it get this way?

In my life as a technologist I am asked many things:

"Is someone paying you to dress that poorly?"
"Should I move in with the guy if he hasn't moved out from cheating on his wife?"
"Why won't it do the thing?"

Yeah. Not fun. Being the person I am I tune them out and whenever their voice goes up at the end of the sentence I have one answer:

Buy an apple.

When people find out I'm a geek they ask me what sort of technical device they should get. Or they take it as an opportunity to complain about vague computer problems with descriptions that defy my capability to provide a straight answer. Either way they want one thing: free stuff, or good stuff for cheap.

When I respond to any random query with purchase an apple the usual reply is

Them: "I can't afford one. What would you get?"
Me: "An apple. I would save up for it. This is on the assumption I'm you and thus have no talent with computers."
Them: "Can't you just get the music/movies/laptops/mp3 player/phone to do the same thing but pay less?"
Me: "Yes. Yes I can. It's called 4 years of college put to good use freeloading."
Them: "Can't you teach me? Or better yet, just do it for me?"
Me: "So let me get this straight, you want an iphone/ipod/macbook but you don't want to pay for it? Have you considered theft?"

That is why I'm not allowed at parties anymore. That and I make fun of any beer that doesn't have the calorie content of a loaf of bread. Labbatts Blew alright.