The show

Today we took our two daughters to see Madagascar 2, Return to Africa. This idea is continuing along the idea of "if you practice taking them out they'll learn to behave." Sometimes it feels like we're trying to float rocks through trial and error.

We have high standards for our kids. Although this could be construed to mean that I won't let children of lesser stock mate with mine, I also mean that we expect them to behave well.

I'll catch a lot of flak for that comment, so let me make it worse. I used to believe that true love is more important that income, and appearance has no reflection on the depth of one's soul. Then I had daughters. I'm sure some day I'll be the one saying "I know you love him, but can you learn to love someone who doesn't need your money to pay his debts and could perhaps out dress a hobo?" In short I don't want them to make the same mistake their mother made.

Behavior standards are important. If the little urchins realize that we expect them to be good we have at least a 1 in 10 chance they will luck out on it.

In the theater they are to sit still, quiet, and allow everyone around them to enjoy the movie providing there is a plot to enjoy. Having a little Ebert sitting behind you is not as much fun as it sounds.

Still and quiet. I'm certain that if we can find a way to harness the motion and sound waves of a child we'll have an infinite supply of energy. We already have the infrastructure in place: Schools, Churches, Restaurants, Theaters.

The kids were fairly good. It was rewarding to see other people letting their kids wander to other aisles and then have trouble reining them in. I know it makes me a small man to enjoy others problems so much, but a small gleeful man am I (without all that nastiness of name guessing). The alternative is to help them parent better, but there is NO way to do that.

People without children, pay attention: If you want to make rational people act like primitive idiots, just casually say "Oh my mother would never let us get away with that" or "I don't think you're doing that right" to a parent. For your safety I would suggest only doing this with lots of witnesses around so the parent can be later identified in a police lineup.

So part way through the movie a character is in peril. This is my younger daughter's nicknamesake and her favourite in the movie. Being small and in a big, dark place with lots of noise and people added to the issue. She first was moved to sit beside her mother. Then my wife leaned over and said "She has to go pee, you take her."

Yes I could have argued that I can't go in with her and she couldn't come into my washroom, but since she had made two trips already I was wise enough not to. I started down the stairs with the younger one. When we reached the bottom she continued towards the screen instead of making the turn to the exit.

It was then I realized that she was using a potty run to hide her panic attack. I tried to call her back but she was in her own little bubble, wandering closer to the front. I thankfully managed to get her attention before she made a silhouette of a peeing child in front of the screen.

At the end the kids did well, and we feel pretty good about the experience. The only things I'll change are to put a diaper on the younger child and my wife, and to affix a feedbag apparatus to the popcorn so the little one doesn't have to keep telling me how to hold the bag in the best position for her to get another two handfuls.