Seeing myself at work

I received a vision of what it is like to work with me. It happened while we were watching "Airplane!" the other day. I realized that I am "Johnny, the office boy".

Watch this to get a quick refresher:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd9oTKwRyIk

I am annoyingly literal to make a good joke, or just a joke. I find creative ways of expressing myself. And a few times it's been good enough to write down.

I work in a medium sized office which is part of a very large business. Great plans are often put in motion with little to no thought of how to execute them. I get some ideas, but they often include guillotines.

One project was a department-wide upgrade of computers. Their solution to a problem was in my humble opinion sdrawkcab-ssa. But I found my voice to express it this way:

"We are trying to solve this problem the same way we would try to have a cat pull a horse drawn carriage. All we need are more cats, more harnesses, smaller whips, better roads and lighter people. We overlook the obvious answer."

Now I was in appoplexic fit of anger at being told to do what would break more things than it fixed. I am a passionate man, and I have these fits too often in this job.

Other phrases have made it into a Kenism list, like:

"She's maniacally stupid. It's like she's trying to hurt us with her dumbness."

[Responding to "I have a stupid question"]: "No, you don't have a stupid question. All questions are stupid, not just yours."

"This program is like an alcoholic uncle with a job. You're embarrased by it, it looks awful, no one likes to admit it exists, but at least it works."

"No one makes a good choice in a moment of passion. You don't run away with the sensible but unattractive person, that's a cold calculated decision."

"Hoping to fix the flawed procedure through full implementation is trying to wear down a speedbump by placing it on a freeway."

Yeah, I'm just a hoot to work with. I overreact, mishear people to be funny and I play emotionally crippling practical jokes. You can pity my co-workers, or laugh with me.