Too much facetime

Heisenberg's uncertainty principle is not Walt worried about what shenanigans Jessie is into now.  It is the supposition that the act of observation alters the outcome.  A concern for physicists on entangled particles and the best way to explain my family to others.

When people reminisce about visiting my family of origin the describe it as a "riot".  To clarify, they mean funny, not violent protest and looting.  THAT riot only happened when Dad got into our Halloween candy.

This was closer to what really happened.

I only now understand why my experience was less "Hee-Haw" and more "Bridge over the River Kwai".  My family changes when guests are around.  Not x-rated undressing to my humiliation mind you, instead behaving like it's the X-Factor and humiliating me in different ways.

I Facetime with my parents every few days.  It's nice to see them and I love that futuristic "video-telephone".

Sometimes.

This last week my mother decided to move chairs and for a lingering moment had the camera pointed at... well... did NOT have it pointed at her face.

Me:  Thanks for the boob cam mom.
Her:  What!?
Me:  THANKS FOR THE BOOB CAM MOM!

From this cue my Father decided to be 'funny'.  Holding her shirt by the collar and lifting he demonstrated what zero gravity would be like.

Do-do-doddle-do, do-do-doodle-do, THERAPY!

Now my younger daughter decided to join in the refined conversation.  She leaned over my recliner so her grandparents could see her childlike face of wonder and mischef and began:

Her:  I'm making NACHOS!

Them:  That's nice dear.

Her:  Well, I have the oven at 180 degrees for the nachos.  When the light goes off it's NACHO time!

Them:  That should be warm enough.

Her:  For NACHOS!?  Sure!  When it gets warm enough.  Come-on NACHOS!!

As I mused on synonyms for nachos and tried to return to conversing with my parents she continued to ramble about nachos and began to pet my head.  As if I was a cat.

In the 20 minutes before the call the child had not prattled THAT much, nor had taken to treating me like her pet.  She knew that without observation Daddy-dearest would become (more of) a shrieking lunatic if she did.  As soon as there was an audience she became "Nacho girl, tamer of Cat-Dad"

I was a happy cat.  Until the little voice started chanting "Nachos"

I see now how we all loved to outperform each other so many years ago, and why it might seem like we were the understudies for "Laugh-In".  I think it may be time to go back to last centuries "Telephone" call.