Children, not just incoherant adults.

My wife and I worked around a potential fight last night. It was great. We communicated what we wanted the other to do, or in this case, stop doing to make us happier.

I wanted her to not use the salad bowl as a helmet before dinner. She wanted me to not tell the kids to "kindly plug their largest head orifice with food" and let them tell her about their day.

I have experienced two of the three known communication styles of children. When they are new you want them to talk, to communicate, and for the love of all that is merciful to show some intelligence. The first words are recorded, wept over and I think there are even "Hallmark" cards for.

During that time you coax the little primate-like imitations of you to relate at a slightly higher level than the family pet. And by the age of 4 they finally do. The next stage begins like an avalanche and things cascade out of control.

The final stage is the "Shut up, I'm not talking to you. Whatever!" stage, which I have only 6 years before it hits. If I'm lucky.

Back to the second stage. Getting young children to just be quiet for less than 5 minutes is a practical impossibility. It would be OK if they were conjecturing on the purpose of existence or the moral criteria for conflict. No, it is normally akin to this conversation I had with my almost 5 year old tonight:

Her: Dad?
Me: Yes hone...
Her: Know what I
Her: What I
Her: What I want
Her: Dad?
Me: Yes h...
Her: Know what I want for
Her: For
Her: Dad, know what I want for dessert?
Me: No honey, what do you...
Her: I want
Her: I want a
Her: I want a princess....
Her: pillow.
Her: And
Me: And?
Her: And a, (yelling) Mom, what do I want?

Yes, most conversations with her are at that level. The 7 year old is probably twice as efficient, but still stammers in high speed like listening to Porky Pig with ADHD. And my children are AHEAD of the curve for all developmental milestones, especially language.

So during dinner this level of discourse had my wife saying:

"Ok kids, just eat now."
"Please eat your dinner."
"Stop talking and eat."
"PLEASE stop talking and eat."
"Just eat."
"No, no more talking. Eat."

The fact my wife was reverting to their style of talking worried me. I stopped the kids (I have more practice) and the rest of the dinner went fine.

I'm still yet to deal with how the near 5 year old responds when addressed, as illustrated here:

Me: Honey?
Her: What?

Me: Care to try that again?
Her: What Daddy?

Me: Please assemble a sentence with as many syllables as you are old.
Her: What?

SIGH. They are very intelligent little people, which is why it is so frustrating to have them false start sentences like a "Chatty Cathy" doll with a stuck gear.

I guess they are still so excited by the ideas they are having that they can't take time to process them into a succinct package. Hearing the concept, first and second drafts, and then being the editor for each thought that comes in their heads is exhausting. I give my wife credit to do this without weeping (most days).