The Group Email Cycle

I would like to address a serious issue in business today. This isn't about taking performance enhancing drugs (coffee) or misuse of the office supply cabinet (scotch tape + phone = dozens of practical joke ideas).

This is a new issue, one that has few parallels to times past. I'm talking about the Group Email Cycle.

As part of the normal routine most office workers are spammed internally. This isn't a medical condition or something you need to look up on urban dictionary . It is the group emails sent to you, and you alone; plus everyone else in the organization.

Most of us quietly grumble about it in the same way one complains about people who can't park between the lines. Annoying: Yes. Will you be the villain in taking justice: Definitely.

And then once every few years someone DOES reply, and uses the reply to all feature. In the days of paper memos you would have to be some special level of angry to xerox a pithy reply to everyone in the organization. Now you just need to be maladroit at using a mouse; and honestly, who isn't.

I was able to observe a cycle in this year's round of server clogging fun. And by that I don't mean LAN admins polka dancing wearing wooden shoes, as fantastically eccentric as that would be.

Here is, the Group Email Cycle (not as long or epic as Wagner's Ring Cycle, sorry to disappoint):

Surprise: This is when people receive an email from someone they don't know on a subject they could care less about.
"Oh gosh, someone just sent me an email about that email I didn't care to read. I'll send them a note to let them know."

Anger: After a few replies to all we move to the angry email phase. This is when the righteous anger kicks in before the cognitive reckoning can say "make sure you're not making the problem worse"
"Some idiot just sent another email about that dumb corporate email trying to fix the problem. I'll point out THEIR mistake and put them in THEIR spot! Then they'll feel so bad they'll thank me, and so will everyone else."

Humour: This phase occurs when someone realizes that everyone involved so far has been hilariously unprofessional, and for some reason feels left out.
"Hey, look at all these emails. Wow, some of these people sure are angry. I'll make them laugh and they'll all thank me and like me ever so much for it. Maybe I'll get promoted."

Surprise (2): This is when people who expected it to run it's course discover to their chagrin that they must continue to click DELETE. In a hope to fix this they send out more email to all.
"Hey, these folk are still at it, and they're getting funny. I'll point it out and they'll all realize this has gone far enough and acknowledge me as the intellectual superior."

Fury: Clearly the most fun of the bunch. This phase is usually a reaction to the humour phase. You can imagine someone shouting out each letter as they type the scathing response in mostly capitals.
"THESE PEOPLE HAVE to STOP! THIS is A WORKPLACE! BE PROFESSIONAL, DON'T HAVE FUN! I'LL CURE THEM WITH CAPITAL POWERED HOLY FURY!"

Management Threat: Finally an email comes out from the sender of the original "To all staff". It is another "To all staff" reminding them that the email cycle has run it's course and they had best get to work.

So what do I say to do with all of this? When this happens save EVERY email. All of them. Then when you go to any new office or corporate function you can make new connections and put yourself at an immediate advantage by saying "Oh, aren't you that person who was part of the reply to all thing a few weeks ago?" Hilarious.