Surprises, discoveries and funny

Parenthood asks a lot of you. It demands you to love something unconditionally despite the fact it has no manners or bowel controls when you meet it.

In return you end up asking a lot of things yourself. Like "Who left the crayon in the car?", "How do you get wax off of upholstery?" and the ever classic "Where did she learn that?"

Kids surprise you. Not in a "Here's a cold beer and a copy of Firefly" way, but in a "I thought that was impossible for such a small body to produce so much in volume (Decibel, liquid or solid, take your pick).

Tonight my younger daughter wandered in to show us something. Not unusual, I'm typically grateful that they can bring it to us, and not require "clean up in aisle 3".

Overreaction in 3,2,1...

She was holding out her finger to her mother. My wife tried to crawl over the back of the couch. She pushed the child's hand away and growled "Get that away from my face!"

The kid was offering the last smell of her garlic mashed potatoes. I didn't ask because it would result in a long anecdote about why my children don't know how to behave for their mother.

My wife calmed down when she realized it was food. As the small person with the gap in her teeth meandered back to the kitchen my wife leaned over to me and whispered

"She has been sticking her finger (whisper whisper) and getting me to smell it all day."

Oh. My. Word.

To reveal the mindset of the geek father I will use the Terminator dialog algorithm interface:

Response:
1. Why did you fall for it all day?
2. I don't smell bleach. Do you know what CLEAN is?
3. Segfault.
4. She takes after you.

Sadly number 4 was the best answer of the lot. I don't know where she learned it, or how to make her stop.

Oh yes, and soon after I heard her sweet little sing-song voice call out, announcing for the families curiosity and entertainment:

"There's a log in the toilet."

My six year old has discovered poop, and it is funny. I'll confront this head on and run away immediately instead of delaying the inevitable surprise. Anyone want to go fishing?