Superkids

In "The Incredibles" the children develop their super powers young and it helps to define their personalities.

My children are like that too. Except they don't have super powers. That makes them more like the "Mystery Men".

As my kids go through their 'phases' I'm beginning to realize that it's just one aspect of their personality taking over. And when this happens I give them a nickname so my wife and I can know which child is behaving in which way.

My younger daughter has taken a new way to expressing herself. It involves primal rage scream therapy with a twist of Grand Theft Auto IV. I now call her "The Pink Hulk". No it's nothing like what pink kryptonite does to Superman.

Here is what the transformation sounds like:

Me: "Ok honey, time to get out of the bath."
Her: "No it's not."
Me: "Yes it is. You can get out now or I'll help you."
Her: "You're not going to get me out. Stupid head."
Me: "Ok, time to get out"

At this point I try to pick up a wet, slippery 5 year old with an attitude problem. Try holding gravy with chopsticks to get the idea.

Her: "AHHHHH!"
Me: "No, we don't yell at each other. Now you'll need to have a time out."
Her: "GRRRARGH!"

Imagine a cute child whose eyes blaze with hatred, her brows furrowed in anger, her fists clenched and shaking, teeth bared, making a sound that would pass for a wolverine having a root canal.

Me: "Ok, are you going to dry yourself, or you will have me dry you."
Her: "You're never going to dry me! You're stupid!"
Me: "We don't say mean things. You now have a longer time out. I'll dry you now."

Instead of using passive resistance she jumps to "hit your head on the squad car door". I am both holding her away from me as she swings and holding her up so she doesn't hit her head on the toilet.

Her: "No NO NO NO!!!!!"
Me: "Ok, you're being dangerous. I have to take you out of the bathroom now."
Her: "I hate you!"

Now the little fists and legs get going. This has become habitual so now I utilize the "fireman's carry" which gives her only one hand to smack me with.

She also does this to her mother. In her defense she transforms only when very hungry or very tired. It's kind of like having a Mogwai. Cute until you mess up one of the rules, then it destroys the house.

Her sister has taken on a different attitude. Last night she was doing math homework and had to group items by properties; specifically if they had handles or wheels. My little genius at work did the job right, but was too lazy to write "bucket", so instead wrote "pail". She then argued with her mother that since it was a synonym it didn't matter.

So for using her giant brain to get out of the work of writing 2 letters she is now "The Shirker". I give her a lot of credit for that, especially when she wanted to include the phrase "Venn Diagram" in her description of how she did her work. If I had reviewed it first I would have given her double points, but "The Battle Axe" checked before "The Slob" last night.