Praying punishment

In my routine of directing at Church I like to pray before we start each rehearsal. This reminds people that they need to be good because it isn't just bad taste to invoke an aneurism on your director RIGHT after praying, it is sacrilegious.

I try to get other people to pray during practice. This is partly because of my concern that I'll really mess up someone with my near heretical ramblings at God, and partly because of my laziness, which if I had more initiative I would harness my children to a rickshaw so I wouldn't have to walk.

This rehearsal we were running about 5 minutes late which is really good for artists. When I asked for someone other than me to pray my older daughter volunteered. The sweet, fair haired 9 year old child folded her hands atop the stuffed animal she had as a prop, bowed her head and prayed:

"Dear God. Thank you for bringing everyone here, even though some of them were late. Please help them learn to be on time. Let us have a good practice. Amen."

The two adults in the room nearly choked on their laughter. Now she is not the first to be passive aggressive in prayer, but the honesty and innocence of it caught me off guard.

For those who weren't aware of it, the Church (pick your denomination) has had plenty of people who want people to change for the good. Unfortunately some just resort to simple manipulation tactics to achieve this.

Listening to her pray it reminded me of awkward times where a preacher would pray "Dear God, let all those who have fallen from your grace by keying new Toyota Corollas be returned to the path of righteousness and reparation for insurance premiums."

There are other types of group praying that are punishment to many involved. The "give thanks for everything and pray for everyone for 30 minutes" prayer is a blight to all those with small children, small bladders or small attention spans. That one is usually right before a meal while the food gets cold.

Then there is the "mumbler with pauses after words that sound like amen" leaves many a person embarrassed for loudly saying "AMEN" before making for the bathroom.

And of course there is the "fit 1st year theology course on the Bible in" prayer where large tracts of memorized scripture are quoted back to God while someone feels compelled to say "Amen" at every full stop, encouraging a re-creation of the book of Ezekiel in random order.

Suffice to say I'll point out to my daughter that out loud public prayer can be heard by others and perhaps she should be discreet about her passive aggression. Perhaps keep it limited to complaining about the incoming dinner.