Can't type... so... difficulty... candid.

I am an educated man.

Not that the fact gains me any respect from my children. They still presume I'm incapable of investigating UNDER the covers for contraband books at bedtime.

I took 4 years of college. Interestingly enough the course I finished with was a 3 year diploma. At least I managed to get a few good stories out of it.

I learned a few things for my thousands invested. Sadly most I can't apply in my daily life, like:
- Flaring a Cessna 172 at 10 feet produces a loud bang followed by many little bounces.
- A highlighter can make an aggravating squeaking noise if pressed hard enough on a textbook.
- You can tie up a classmates telnet session for 5 minutes by piping large binaries to them.

One lesson I didn't learn was tact. That would be obvious from my demeanor, so let me clarify. I didn't learn Business tact.

This past week I sent a congratulatory email to a colleague. I send these whenever:
1. They did something brilliant worthy of accolade.
2. They did something bonehead worthy of scorn.
3. They were promoted.
4. I need something from them and can't find another way of softening them up.

This one was not a number 2. Honest praise is easy. Tactful celebration takes thought.

I don't like to lie. There is no indicator for going too far when you do. The odds of sounding like a supercharged hoover are too high for me.

They never taught that in college. How to congratulate without sucking or sucking up. The writing process was as such:

Dear so and so:

- Congrats on being awarded the position of...
- Congratulations on defeating your unworthy adversaries...
- Kudos for seizing opportunity like a viper in an outhouse...
- Congratulations on getting your new job. It must feel good to finally look up a different pair of pants on the corporate ladder...

I was stuck for 20 minutes finding the right words. In the end I was happy with how I managed to phrase it. I think next time I'll let Hallmark do my fibbing for me and send a dang card with "please transfer monies to my department". That or subcontract to the 419'rs for email authoring.