No respect for Oscar

My job involves answering the phone. That should say enough, but let me explain. No one makes happy business calls (try one sometime, call someone in your organization to talk about how happy you are, see where that goes). The phone is an instrument used to deal with a problem. By the time you touch the touchpad, you are already upset because something is wrong enough for you to interrupt your day interrupting someone else's.

And then my phone rings. I've been cried to. I've been sworn at. I've been flirted with. I wonder how I missed taking social work classes getting into this job.

And yes, I know I'm a jerk. I really don't care enough for the opinions and feelings of others, or at least that is what THEY claim. But I do TRY to empathize with all and sundry who call my phone, trying desperately to understand what stupor they were in to manage to confuse a keyboard as a place mat or to think that ignoring my suggestions/recommendations/orders would be MY fault.

But I will not suffer people who are grouchy.

In Sesame street all the other muppets (puppets with the strings of marionettes and the cold, cold hands of puppeteers. Think of Pinocchio having a permanent prostate exam) try to cheer Oscar the Grouch up. These poor misguided codependent mutant marionettes spend so much energy doing for Oscar what he is too lazy to do for himself. In fact, most children's programs have someone grouchy who just needs "enough love" to win over. This is generally done by the useless runt of the group with the high pitched voice.

Bull.

IMHO they just need a HappyByFour tm to the cranial lobe until they cheer up. Or exile.

Grouchy people are in a state of self perpetuating misery. They are emotional entropy. So I ask myself "What does a doctor do?", and then apply the same level of beside manner to them.

Them: "My computer doesn't work. Again. Can't you people fix these things right?"

Me: "Yes. The problem is you are allowing your belly to rest on your keyboard."

Them: "This is so stupid. I don't know why we are having to use these stupid things anyway."

Me: "Not sure. Bye."

So there you go. The secret to happiness in a job with a phone: Use of the release button. I'd suggest having one made up to rival the "Easy" button by Staples, but an "Easy Release" button gives the wrong message. No matter how happy that would make people.