There's something about me.

I just returned from a whirlwind project management course in Sudbury. Wow, I need to take a moment to admire how pathetic that sentence sounds.


Done.

I've discovered two things about me on travel:

1. I am a very clean person.

2. I am an attractive man.

First: I keep an impeccable hotel room. I unpack completely, fold all my clothes, put them in drawers or on hangers. I feel like Mr. Rogers on an OCD binge. I even make the bed. I'm sure that really freaks out the cleaning staff. What sort of twisted perversion would be worth hiding by making the bed? I must catch them between the fear of what they may discover and the hope that this will be the story that gives them something to write about on Facebook.

When I was a bachelor I was Pig Pen's embarrassingly unkempt brother. At home I am the Kitchen Nazi, but my clothes are normally happily folded by gravity wherever the floor stops them.

Second: I am selected "at random" for special "opportunities". At Red Lobster, it was for a telephone survey where I can save $8 on my next meal. At the airport, it was for a "hand search", which despite the name, didn't even look at my eczema. I don't have that level of public display of touching with my wife, no matter how much I give her to drink. It was like a bad phone sex in person. "Now I'll be checking your pockets. Undo your belt". Out of reflex I was turning and coughing.

Did I mention the people picking me out were men?