I'm smarter today. I think.

I enjoy training. I don't mean dogs, I mean being bettered through education. What beauty it is to drink from knowledge's fountain, and when I have quaffed my draught, to cry out "How did I exist before today? I have been an invertibrate's inferior before now!"

Today was nothing like that.

My morning was interupted by some mandatory training. It was only an hour, but I found myself watching the clock as if it held the secret to my escape. I don't like being taught stuff I could more easily have read myself. I don't like sitting in a stuffy, overheated room without a desk to hide behind. I despise poorly aligned powerpoint presentations.

At least it was just an hour.

My problem mostly stems from my empathy. I TRY SO HARD to pay attention and give the instructor the benefit of respect. And then they read from an email and try to sound excited.

I crawled back to my desk, refilled my coffee cup, and had less than an hour before the next session.

This one was much better in a way. The room wasn't stuffy, and it was a teleconference.

For those who haven't had the benefit of a teleconference, imagine your teacher teaching a class via the intercom. I can still make some cool paper airplanes!

But you know me, even with this newfound freedom, I can't help but find fault. This was taught by an instructor who had two teaching faults equivalent to scraping dog whistles against my neck.

1. Repetition. He repeated himself 3 times for each point. I counted. 3 times!

2. Noticing everything, commenting on most, too polite to confront on any.

Teleconference etiquite says you mute your phone. This prevents sound effects like a voiceover track from an obscene phone call, comments like "This is the biggest crock of sh.." and sneezes that sound like you were using your microphone as a q-tip up the nose.

There were a few people on the call who missed that lesson. And the instructor would passively remind us to mute our phones.
"Mute your phones please."
"Keep your phone muted until you need to comment."
"OW, that sneeze was really loud."
"My right ear is bleeding."
"You should see a doctor after you mute your phone. You sound like you have 3 lungs."

Being a spectator to all of this when I could be hitting myself repeatedly with my stapler in the comfort of my own cubicle was exhausting. Oh, and it ran through lunch hour.

This is why I tell my kid's class I'm a fireman.