My weird roots: Part 1

I would like to comment on my lineage if I may.

I am a mutt of various British descent. Southern English, Welsh, Irish, and most notably, Scottish.

I say most notably because that is the one we identify with more often than not. It isn't the strongest part of the family tree, but it stands out.

Cultures are interesting. Not the neat kind in the petri dish that you're not allowed to drink, or the kind that you use to spoil milk and then melt on food, but the arbitrary distinguisher of people.

Culture is more than language, dress, laws, customs, foods, and music. That said, those are what we find are most crazy when we do cross cultures.

The Scottish have done an amazing job of setting themselves apart in almost every aspect of culture. They stand apart, mainly because everyone is too weirded out to get too close.

I touch on sports today.

Sports to the Scottish generally are total nonsense unless you are 3 sheets to the wind. Take the caber toss. Now the origin of this was either the dumbest pole vault ever or a drinking game ending badly. Either way you can be assured that whoever was part of it was legally a pickle.

"Hey McGlaven, I bet you cuddn't throw this pole."
"Now why are you resorting to racial epithets?"
"Nooo, throw the log."
"You're bein downright disgusting. What sort of drinking game is heave the turd?"
"NOOO, heave the enormous stick as far as you can."
"You've been talkin' to me wife. I do me best."
"Augh, I'll do it meself."
"Take a step closer to me kilt and I'll launch this here tree at ye."

And so a game was born. I imagine that the hammer throw was a kids game like getting dizzy on the baseball bat, but the one kid couldn't keep his balance afterwards so he just threw his bat at the other kids. If you know more than one Scot you can understand why that alone would change the rules from then on.

Finally there is curling. A game played on frozen ice, throwing stones at a target. An elegant, gentlemanly game that demands focus, skill, exertion and teamwork. It's also an excuse to binge drink with a bunch of people and give out prizes. It is the only game I know of that uses it's own equipment to hide alcohol.

Nonetheless, I am proud of my Scottish lineage. I would be more proud if my clansfolk were of a lower percentile for incarceration. I remind myself that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your nose, but never, ever, pick your family's noses.