Irrational fears

I find irrational fears fascinating.

Let me work out the definition for you: irrational fears are being afraid of anything that the odds of happening, or the odds of there being of any damage, are astronomically low.

What is interesting is how they drive our everyday lives. Phobias are our own mental kryptonite, and here are a few that I know of:

Mine: Fish. Yes, fish. Dead ones are ok, the longer dead and more disassembled the better. There is a story in my history where I was in a canoe and a fresh caught pickerel was placed behind me. I contemplated trading spots, letting it have my seat and I would go back in the lake, before cringing and wailing like Gollum being hugged by an elf.

I had to face this fear several times in my life, most notably while working for Fisheries and Oceans. That truly helped me focus my irrational fear of fish to a paralyzing terror of LingCod. Lingcod are the only animal in nature whose natural head and mouth size is at a 3:1 ratio to it's body. EWWWWW!

Ok, now on to my family. My wife's fear is of snakes. Any snake. She is getting better, but knowing this makes it easy to hide anything I want from her. I'll just cover the item to be hidden in a box covered with pictures of snakes and leave it on the coffee table. Even better, now that she's read that, I can leave the box empty and really play with her head.

So far my children haven't shown too much specific irrational fear. My older daughter won't touch anything living, which makes a petting zoo into an avoiding zoo. My younger daughter has finally overcome her fear of train whistles. Her fear has now progressed into being afraid of sitting still on a chair.

I know of people afraid of spiders. This is funny to me. Anything that is smaller than my thumb doesn't warrant my fear or respect, unless it's the ebola virus.

I like to laugh quietly at all the scenarios I can bake up to cause people embarrassing emotional trauma by practically joking them with their worst fears. The problem is knowing which ones to use on someone, so to cover all my bases I guess I'll just have to resort to hiding around corners dressed as a fish wielding, snake wearing gorilla-clown.

I don't know where I get this interest (DAD). Nothing says positive parenting like waiting for your kids on the path to the outhouse in a provincial park at night, and then growling like a bear just as they pass on their way back. Ahhh, the cripplingly frightful fun of childhood...

So forget I said all that and tell me what you're irrational fear is. I promise not to use it, soon.