Chrismas - Doing stuff as a family

Christmas. It's a pagan holiday commandeered by Christians to celebrate the Birth of Jesus which by many guesses actually happened in May.

Yuletide. It's a season, but not defined by climate. It has a spirit, but yet it isn't alive.

As a token of the darkest month of the year we murder conifer trees and place their slowly decaying carcasses in our living rooms. Then we place the boon of gifts underneath carefully wrapped so to maximally torment each other with anticipation.

We overeat, we overdrink, and we sing in public. We wear costumes and redecorate our houses in a perverse competition of garishness.

And for some macabre reason the most masochistic of us begin this habit in November to spend 1/12th of the year in celebration.

But when you ask people about this strange occurrence, they reply the same answer to the questions "what is it for" and "what do you hate the most about it": Family.

And it is because you are family that you do things like attend school Christmas assemblies.

It is quite the phenomenon of taking time off work to sit in the gym, craning one's neck to see their child 'perform' as part of their class.

For those without children, there is a good reason you haven't joined this subculture as a spectator yet: no one pays to see these things. The only reason you go is to see your children or the children of someone you love enough to do this for.

It's not that they are bad per se, but they are meant for a captive audience of parents perched on child sized chairs, frantically trying to camcord around the people in front of them.

Last week I got to see a smaller version. My younger daughter went to a local farm where they put on a nativity scene. In an odd twist of fate she was picked to be an angel. They wore the costumes over their parkas. They looked more like a pack of hunchback ghosts.

'Mary' found out how tricky it is holding baby Jesus with mits on. The messiah child was only dropped on his head twice.

This week the assembly had my older daughter singing novelty Christmas songs. She practiced so much that I can't remember the original words to 'Winter Wonderland'.

We also noticed that she is getting embarrassed by her parents already. She hid behind an over sized Santa hat which had what could only be assumed were muttonchops that hung down to her neck. It was like a 'Fathers of Confederation' Christmas special

Christmas: Yours will not be perfect, but neither is your family. Love it anyway.