Unfair Match

Occasionally I get to speak to people about my marriage to my wife (as opposed to my marriage to my work). I get to do so because the person in question actually takes a breath and then I push their inane topic aside for one of my own.

There was a time where I would have believed there was one person who is perfect for you, a match made just for you alone, and you will balance each other out like 500 foxes see-sawing with a Rhino. I now label that time of belief: "ignorance".

One mistake with that daft notion is that people can be quantified simply. I'm sorry, reality (aka life) is not World Of Warcraft, and my being a Level 80 Paladin does not mean I know how to load the dishwasher. You have no idea of the complexities of human relationships until you're stuck in one until death or lawyers (I'll take death every time).

If each personality trait could be given a measure, and then you were objectively measured against someone else, it would not account for what I call the Bat-@#$% effect. That is the theory that covers the cases where I forget how to walk and stumble into a wall, and the times where she remembers where her glasses are. Moments that are crazy as Chiroptera-Feces.

I realize I'm outmatched. For example; my wife is more alluring to men than I am repulsive to women, as is evidenced that she slipped through my vices and we got married. And no, "slipped through my vices" is not an obscure euphemism, so let's burn that oyster right there.

One activity that we compromise on is what TV shows and Movies to watch. I have agreed to endure Glee, Friends, and whatever other program she wants because, well, she has good taste. She has watched Sherlock Holmes and is on promise to watch "Pride and Prejudice".

For Christmas she gave me "Blade Runner: the current final cut". I presume Sir Ridley Scott will continue producing Blade Runner releases like a birthcontrol challenged reality TV star. Every 9 months until it kills him.

My bride had never watched what is the best Sci-Fi movie before Serenity, so she coped through. For me it was sublime, for her it was the equivalent of a cinematic waterboarding; confusing and a affront to her Human Rights.

I guess I'm more effeminate in my tastes, than she is masculine in hers. It's not fair, but anyone who says that marriage is fair has settled for less than wonderful. Wonderful is filling in the inadequacies between the two of you with love, like mortar between bricks of different shapes.

That way your marriage can be built like a brick ....house.