Stalin for time

Capitalize: (intransitive verb) to gain by turning something to advantage.

Budget: A make believe story on a spreadsheet.

One of the key elements to pre-marriage counseling is money management. Surprisingly my wife and I didn't do well on this aspect and have still managed to remain hitched. I blame her good looks and poor pattern recognition of my shortcomings.

If I were asked to describe our financial style in one word I would say "Simple". Money comes in, money goes out.

Our monetary method is somewhat communistic. I don't mean that one of us lives wonderfully whilst repressing the others. It is simply the money goes into the account and is meted out from there.

I never considered having a separate account for "my money". Once I heard of the idea I knew it wouldn't work for two reasons:
1. We are a single income family (that would be realistic communism there)
2. I am a very selfish man (All I need is the mustache to complete the caricature)

This method has helped build unity in the family, allowing us to dole out the money as is needed. The question of who spends the money on bills, food and other items is determined by trial and error, I tried it and it was an error. Thus my wife is the controller of the cash flow, except that she foolishly hasn't taken back my debit card.

To make sure neither of us blows that month's mortgage on knick knacks or a great deal on a 42" plasma tv we have a rule: Any purchase over $100 requires both of us to ratify.

Typically I don't need to ask my wife for anything since I am so cheap and my desires are so whimsical that all she needs to do is ask me if there are pretty colours in the room and I forget what I called to buy.

So the other week it was I who received the call. I was at work at 8:30 in the morning when my phone rang with the home phone number displayed.

Me: Wow, you're up earl...
Her: (Breathless) Honey, I have something important
- here my heart stops thinking a child is hurt or family member is in hospital -
Her: (continuing) to ask you.
Me: Go ahead honey. (Still quite afraid this is going to be a question if I need the car or really ever did care about the cat)
Her: Mamma Mia is coming to town and I want to buy tickets. Can I?

My wife loves the show Mamma Mia. For those who don't know it is a musical that utilizes ABBA songs. I'm still waiting for the musical "Can't Touch This" to come out.

Me: How much are the tickets. (I'm Stalin for time here)
Her: About $80 a seat, I think. Or $180. I can't remember. (I know I have to wrap up the call before she begins to pee from excitement)

In marriage you try to learn from each others passions and gain depth to your life. If you can't manage that you at least let them get what they want once in a while. It is in that spirit of giving that I decided to Capitalize on the situation. I racked my brain for things I always wanted but knew were too big or expensive to ask for.

Me: Ooookay, but if they're $180 a seat leave me out and I'll buy some nice computer games with my share. And if Rammstein ever comes back to Minneapolis I get to go. (Hold my breath here, this was a BIG gamble).
Her: Sure. Bye!

Right. In the end the tickets weren't that expensive but my end of the bargain stands. I get to go see a band that by all odds will never return to the northern US. In principle I gained a concession, but instead of imploding my tympanic membranes with Industrial Metal I'll hold hands and sing along to ABBA.

So that is how you keep a marriage going. Share the wealth, bargain fairly, and be accommodating to each other. Unless she takes my armrest at the show, because I paid good money to put my elbow there.